Monday, May 2, 2016

Thankfulness - The Other Side of Post Abortive Healing

Yesterday morning I followed seven women and one man down the stone path to a pond, the same pond where my stones of unworthiness and un-forgiveness lay. As I saw them laugh together, hug each other and share tears of pain I could only think one thing, “Thank you Lord”. 

My Loving and Amazing Father, 

I don’t feel the words”thank you” even match the feelings for gratitude I have for the grace I’ve been given. And as if grace were not enough you’ve given the opportunity to take my stuff, my yuck, (with your amazing love added) and turn it into a story I get to share with others. You’ve given me the gift of words that flow so easily (at times) to share what you’ve done in my life. I’ve also received the ability to speak in front of crowds with pure transparency and oh man, I thank you for that. 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to be on the other side of post abortive healing, that this weekend I was given the ability to serve women just like me. And that brings me to a big prayer of thankfulness that you have given me the ability to cook and to cook well, “or so I’ve heard.” I got to use that talent to keep the comfort foods flowing this weekend as these seven women and one man started the journey to healing. The same journey I took less than three months before. Less than three, months - amazing. I have fit so much into the past three months, I have prayed my heart out and trusted your path for me. 

Now I ask you, father, what are we doing next? This servant is ready! 

Rest? (that is seriously what I just heard as I typed that question) 

I know you cannot mean rest from sharing this story, but maybe rest as in it’s time for some serious Sabbath. It’s time for some serious prayer about boundaries. It’s time to looks at where my energy is being applied and reconfirm that it is where You want my attention. It’s time to fix some cracks that crazy full living has put into my marriage, my relationship with my little people and my relationship with you. 

Lord, I just ask for your guidance, I ask that you shine bright lights on my paths. A neon sign with an arrow, maybe? Sorry, Lord, I am just tired and my eyes are swollen from exhausted crying that took place last night. 

The tears are filing my eyes again and I am filled with overwhelming thankfulness that I was there. That I shared embraces with people I barely got a chance to know, but know all so well. Eight completely brave parents who face the mortality of their children and at last, delivered them to you, for you to care for and for you to love. In doing so, they finally, finally, accepted your forgiveness, your grace. You strengthened marriages this weekend, You empowered women, You made some amazing leaders in the great commission. I know these are things you do everyday, all day, but for the past three days I got to see it with my own eyes, again. 

Thank you. 

With a heart overflowing with gratitude and love, 

Your Servant on this AWESOME Journey

Not sure there is much more to say than that this morning. I am beyond exhausted, the most tired I’ve been in awhile, but as my physical body is dragging, my spirt is jumping for joy! I could go on, but really all it would be is a list of words like: Awesome, Amazing, Awesome, Awesome, Awesome…

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