The most frightening part of healing to me is being up against satan. I don’t believe his attacks end, he never ceases the attempt to have us make lives for ourselves instead of following Jesus.
Satan attacks me the hardest during times of healing. Two weeks from now I be at Rachel’s Vineyard continuing my post-abortion healing. I will be placed in a home for three days with other women who share my story, my pain, my shame. It seems like eons ago when I scheduled this event - I was desperate then to be amongst women like me. Now, my thoughts are, “do I have time for this?” The devil plays in my schedule, plays in my to-lists, plays in the mess that is my home. The devil plays in my insecurity - sharing a room with someone I don’t know, making new connections - will they like me? Will my face still be breaking out? The devil’s favorite place to wreak havoc is in my insecurities.
I am sitting in a battle right now as I type this, a battle I have let him win before. Last night I sat in silence thinking about my sin - trying to put a name tag on it.
Hello, My Name is an alcoholic, not this time.
Hello, My Name is a drug addict, nope and that is said with a big fist in the air.
Hello, My name is a sex addict, that’s laughable given the scars I deal with today that over-sexualization left me with. I wish it were those things, to me those seem easier to fix than what I am today.
Then it dawned on me
It’s pretty clear knowing my love language is Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. And you see it clearly when you glance back at my past, the lengths I went to feel love (or what I thought was love) from people.
I am a strong proponent of The Five Love Languages, a book written by Gary Chapman, and I have even been known to say that this book would have probably saved my second marriage (the book and a strong dose of Jesus). While I am all for knowing your love language and knowing your spouse’s and your children’s, I still head a warning. Be aware that your love language could be come an excuse for your sin.
The devil tells me
She isn’t building you up. She isn’t saying how amazing you are often enough. I don’t think she really likes you. You should move on, find someone who fills you, who makes you happy.
Your boss isn’t giving you the accolades you deserve. That “thanks” means “yeah, you are just bugging me.” Prepare yourself for rejection, because you are going to be let go soon. Get ready to hear, “we don’t need you anymore.”
He never pays attention to you. He has so many things placed before your relationship. You need more attention, it’s time to act out. It’s time for a change. It’s time to find some attention.
Then the devil says the fight isn’t worth it, walk away.
In all these things I can say, “Well, my love tank wasn’t be filled” and excuse the actions that happen afterward. I can deflect until the cows come home and fall right back into the pit.
Want to know the difference that I am experiencing right now? This is all in print and I’m giving it to you. Acknowledgement, the first step in change.
You see, nine years ago, I had all of these same thoughts, but I didn’t identify them. I didn’t call them out one by one. I found the attention I was missing in someone else. I took the pretty scene that was my life (at least from the outside) and shook it really, really hard until all the pieces scattered falling back into, well, something that wasn’t any better than before.
So how do you fight the devil?
Well, you watch The War Room, of course. Sorry, have to laugh a minute because in know I took the words out of someone’s mouth. I know that I am going to get at least one comment that says, “Oh girl, have you seen The War Room? You need to watch it and fight that devil, girl.” Oh my, after typing that I think I’ve actually said that to someone, I may or may not have included “oh girl”. My pure southern girl comes does out when I am preaching to someone, though. Oh girl, you need to pull up your boot straps and take that bull by the horns. Put on your big girl panties, girl, and go move some mountains. All you need in life, girl, is sweet tea and Jesus!
But seriously, how do I fight this battle? How do I stare into the lies that are catapulted at me daily and stand strong?
My first step is to identify who is talking to me because I know for a strong straight up fact that God is not telling me to find attention outside of my marriage. That reminds me of a gussied up quote I’ve seen around Facebook, “Just in case you’re confused the Lord will not send you someone els’e husband.” The topic is soften due the picture of Kermit the Frog sipping tea and the follow-up line, “but that’s none of my business.” It’s a true statement - God isn’t going to bring you someone else’s husband and He also isn’t going to tell you to get your cup filled other places.
Acknowledge, Identify and Pray.
Now, don’t expect to find my closest emptied and pieces of paper taped to my wall, but know I am doing some serious Meme prayers. My grandmother prayed constantly, we thought she was off her rocker because we’d always hear her whisper, “praise you Jesus.” And it’s a funny family story that she would utter, “Lord save her” many times when my sister went through her black only clothing phases (she was goth before goth was a word) (it worried my Meme). As, I stand here today I know that she wasn’t crazy, she was smart, always lifting things up to Him. Prayer is the only way I am going to get through this, I can’t fix this myself.
Also, a part of Acknowledgment is this that came across my Facebook today:
The Enemy Fears Your Destiny
The attacks on your life have much more to do with who you might be in the future than who you have been in the past. The enemy fears you becoming who God has made you to be. (Desperation Youth Conference 2015) content from #GirlsWithSwords
Posted by Lisa Bevere on Friday, January 29, 2016
The attacks on your life have much more to do with who you might be in the future than who you have been in the past. The enemy fears you becoming who God has made you to be. ~ Lisa Bevere
The devil isn’t pulling me back into what I was, he is trying to stop who I will be, the plans God has for me.
And just because that Kermit reference sent me off and a “SQUIRREL!” here are some fun (but not so funny) Kermit Tea Memes.
Now, my family is standing around completely impatient because I need to shower so we can go have quality time together. Have a great Saturday my friends.