I haven’t been doing well.
I’m not sick.
I’m just in a funk.
My husband is funky too. Not in a stinky way, but in a funk.
If you don’t know Matt then let me tell you, he’s not a funky person. He’s a happy, nothing really stresses him out, very few things get him down sort of guy.
So, he’s been out of work for over a month now and I think the newness of him vein gnome as worn off and we are both a bit funky.
He’s been blogging - which is good. I read them sometimes - he doesn’t post pictures and with my condition I do better with pictures - it breaks up the reading some and I’m a visual person. Yes, I read books without pictures. I’m working to finish one today since the library, so nicely won’t let me recheck it - I have a hefty late fee - more on that in another post. It’s a love/hate thing with library books.
Anyway, Matt has been working on scheduling and getting his life all in order and I feel like me is sort of spiraling out of control. Not in a mid-life crisis sort of way, but in a I’ve run out clothes baskets for clean clothes that I haven’t folded in a week sort of way.
I’m off center.
And I can admit to you - because I know you care. I’m not feeling as close to God as I have been. I haven’t read the bible in…a long while. Not really praying other than “Please Lord let my neighbors go to sleep. It’s 1 am and are they really having a party in the driveway?”
I’ve been stuck in comparison mode and as I woman I know that is no good for my mood.
I don’t teach the littles enough new things.
I let the littles watch too much TV.
I don’t write enough.
I don’t create enough.
I don’t_______enough….just fill it in with anything because that’s my mood.
I feel like I’m not doing anything enough. And reading blogs (which I’m slowly starting again) helps me to write, but I find I’m saying “wow I should be like her” way way way too often.
I’m sitting on the fence of should I go back to work? Should I be working harder to make my Thirty-One income cover all of our needs? Their are some women you make upwards of $75,000 to $100,000 a year - that would be AMAZING.
Should I go back to school? I’d love to be knowledgable like Ann Voskamp. She’s so wise and so wordy - I still haven’t made it through 1,000 gifts. I get lost every time I try, but it’s on my list of books I need to get through.
So, enough rambling. I much needed break from my computer, made my family dinner which I serve on the patio.
I’m slowly falling in love with this house. Our backyard was easy to fall for - a large shade tree in the center which serves it’s purpose for much need shade from the harsh Houston sun, but also blocks a good part of our neighbors’ view into our backyard. So we have privacy - not that we are running around naked - trust me that is not happening. We can freely eat a quiet dinner on the patio with candlelight - just kidding. There is a candle going but it’s a huge citronella candle because mosquitos don’t sleep - can’t STAND THEM - blood suckers.
|Yep Shelby is in her PJs...again why I love our tree.|
Anyway, as I was saying. I was super excited and giddy about my family all sitting outside - I seemed to be the only one though. It’s ok - at least it made me feel better about life. Then I sat and watched my three girls played. We stayed out until dark playing keep away and soccer. We had a blast.