Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Seven Years

It's after eleven and all my girls are asleep, I should be sleeping too, but have way too much on my mind at the moment.
Me seven years ago.

Today I closed a seven year chapter of my life as I officially became a stay at home mom (at least for now). This was an unplanned event, but if you know me and have followed my writing for the past two years you know this event was prayed long and hard for. It's funny how God does things in his own timing. I am not sure if I would have ever fully taken this leap at this moment in my life while not be 100% sure of how my budget is going to make this all work, but it was God's plan and I will trust him.

I am melancholy though as I think of just how long seven years is especially in my industry. I would say up until about three years ago my job really defined a lot of who I was. I worked hard (ask my family) and put in long hours (ask my family about me working during just about all my vacations). I was good at what I did, but something changed in me. My job became more of a moral conflict for me and just a place to get a paycheck - it wasn't who I was or where I wanted to be. Even though I had come to this conclusion awhile ago I stuck with it out of loyalty and financial need. It's hard to pull away from something you've known for so long. Loyalty was the main reason I had decided to go back to work full-time after having Morgan, but again God's plan was differently than mine.

Without bashing I will say I am a bit heartbroken about how things went down, but que sera sera I am sure I will take this a big 'ol life lesson. Hmmm...I sound a bit bitter and I am working on that. I was stung today by the reality of business. Actually, I think I was slapped in the face with something I've previously said, "business and friends don't mix. You don't hire friends and you don't become friends with those you hire." Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's a reality and today it was proven true. Urgh...there is my bitterness again. I'll get over this shortly, I promise.

As soon as I hung up the phone with my former employer I made a vow to myself that no matter how hurt I am I will not do anything unmoral or unlike me to retaliate  We will end our relationship peacefully and move on with our lives.

My dear friend, Laura, told me this evening "it's not what you had planned for, but God has plans for you" and as I walked through my house this evening checking on each of my girls as they slept I thought "yes he does." I am meant to be here with them and not miss a minute of their lives. I am meant to stand by Shelby and be there as she gets out of school each day to support her as she is going through these hard years. I am meant to support my husband from our home.

And think I now I have time to write my heart out and complete projects that are hanging out in non-completion land. You'll see much more Menu Plan Monday posts because I'm going to need them! I am a bit excited to start my next chapter - just think how clean my floors will be. Did I tell that since I have a toddler and a baby I've become obsessed with vacuuming?

Everything will be okay. Am I hiding my anxiety well? I'm still a bit freaked out and shocked about the whole thing.

Another dear dear friend, Kelly, sent me this prayer tonight. It's perfect.

A Prayer for Strength

Our Father, 
sometimes the cares of the day 
seem to multiply, while the 
blessings fade so quickly,
Our bodies grow tired
and our minds even more tired.
Jesus, help us.
Give us the strength You've promised
in Your World.
Give us the power
to take the next step.
Give us your grace...
for we know that in our weaknesses 
YOUR STRENGTH is revealed. 
May we receive it today.

Did I ever mention what Awesome friends I have?  

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