Friday, May 7, 2010

My Grandmother

I cried this morning.

I was overwhelmed with sadness and longing to have her back. I miss my Meme.
She is still here with us, but the grandmother that I knew has been gone for almost 3 years now.

I miss being able to call her or go by her house. I miss her hugs and the way she would kiss my cheek.

I miss getting cards from her. You could always count on a birthday card and a mother’s day card from her. In mine she would always say “I am so proud of you.”
I guess I haven’t really thought about it until this morning, but this woman has taught me so much. There would be so many things I would never know how to complete without her. So many situations I wouldn’t be able to handle without her guidance. I wonder what advice she would give me about my father’s cancer. I know she would love JAG. I also know that she would be so proud of her namesake, Shelby Elizabeth.

I could always count of her to pray for me. Actually, I think she worried…a lot, but still prayed. I even miss how she would say “praise you Jesus” under her breath.

As I type I cry…I miss her so much. I am glad she is still here with us I just wish that she didn’t have Alzheimer’s, I wish for my Meme back.
This is a passage I put in hospital room when she was first diagnosed after she overdosed herself on medication.

Pray for me I was once like you.

Be kind and loving to me that's how I would have treated you.

Remember I was once someone's parent or spouse I had a life and a
dream for the future.

Speak to me, I can hear you even if I don't understand
what you are saying.
Speak to me of things in my past of
which I can still relate.

Be considerate of me, my days are such a struggle.

Think of my feelings because I still have them and can feel pain.
Treat me with respect because I would have treated you that way.
Think of how I was before I got Alzheimer's; I was full of life,
I had a life, laughed and loved you.

Think of how I am now, My disease distorts my thinking, my
feelings, and my ability to respond, but I still love you even if I can't tell you.
Think about my future because I used too.

Remember I was full of hope for the future just like you are now.
Think how it would be to have things locked in your mind and
can't let them out.
I need you to understand and not blame me,
but Alzheimer's.
I still need the compassion and the touching and most of all I
still need you to love me.
Keep me in your prayers because I am between life and death.

The love you give will be a blessing from God and both of us will
live forever.

How you live and what you do today will always be remembered
in the heart of the Alzheimer's Patient.

urgh...still crying!

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