Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A New Friend...

So I have a new friend in my life. He has been with me for about two months and the longer he stays the more annoying he gets. I know that my friend isn’t healthy and that people are not supposed to have this friend.

My friend is Anxiety and I just can’t seem to shake him.

Lately I feel anxious over everything when I know I shouldn’t. Right now as I type this I am worried about:

  • Not being able to afford my house.
  • Getting everything done before my Brownie Meeting tonight.
  • Getting my grant money before May 1st so the school doesn’t drop me.
  • The fact that I killed two ants on my kitchen counter this morning and I have fear they are in there right now eating the little food I have.
  • Getting Shelby through 3rd grade.
  • My dad’s chemo this week.
  • My relationship with JAG. (it’s perfect…hence my anxiety)
  • Hoping I don’t kill the minivan since I still haven’t changed the oil.
  • Preparing for the Southern Living Party I have to do this weekend.

I know there are larger things in life to be worried about, but sometimes I sit and look at my calendar and get overwhelmed. I hear my mother say “Don’t bite off more then you can chew.” How can I not? There are things I HAVE TO DO and some things I HAVE TO FACE.

Yes, I have prayed, but still I am not sure what is wrong with me.

On Sunday we were at church and JAG gave me a look that I thought was disappointment in something I didn’t do. I sat there the rest of the service biting the inside of my mouth trying not the cry. I held it in until we got to the car and then asked him. Then without out bat of my eyes I was in full on tears. Come to find out he didn’t make that look at me. He made that look because his stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten breakfast. There I was bawling and laughing at the same time.

It is moments like that where I ask “What in the hell is wrong with me these days?” “Am I completely losing it?”

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." ~Romans 12:12

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