Sunday, April 1, 2018

They Are Gone - There is No Good Title for This

The last 24-hours have been really, really hard.  Emotions ebb and flow through sadness, anger and hurt. At this moment we cannot find joy in what has happened. Even saying that Nicole is at peace in heaven with all six of her children lunges you into sobs because it is just not fair and it all sucks.  I have no educated words to help explain this pain.

Multiple families walked into this Easter morning full of sorrow, asking "why?".  E and J are just as, if not even more, distraught and heartbroken as we are.  I know their attachment to these six children grew just as strongly as ours did.

Matt and I were both taken completely off guard at how strong the grief kicked us in the gut last night.  This is the finality that I prayed would not have to be felt, the end to Nicole's genetic legacy here on earth. The re-opening of the wound somewhat to grieve Nicole's death again in such a strong final passing.  She is gone and every part of her is now gone as well. Urgh, that hurts so bad and makes me so dang angry (know that I have filtered that sentence for your benefit...it is way more PG-13 than it appears to you right now).

Even though I clearly can write my anger and sadness, we really have no words. We all need time to grieve. Time to feel the pain, to be angry and walk in the sadness for a while. Time feel what life is like now after this final piece is gone.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers for E, J, Matt and I as we walked through the last two weeks of this journey. Please continue to lift E & J up in your prayers. Pray that all of us find peace after our time of grieving.

Orginal Post: Attention Prayer Warriors

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