Today I spent the morning checking out this cute kid on the big screen. She is doing good and weighing about 1.5 pounds! She’s a mover and a shaker already so I am looking forward to a lovely few years with two crazy toddlers.
Since I recently turned 35 I’ve moved from regular pregnancy to “high risk” thus the reason I spent the morning with a genetic counselor. This was not of my own doing – it was something my doctor strongly suggested.
Now, as many may know I struggle with anxiety. We are talking crazy palm sweating; don’t want to leave my house anxiety some days. It is normally at its worst during pregnancy. I pray a lot and do my best to stay out of situations that would cause my anxiety to flair up. I have Matt drive places that I am uncomfortable; he is always a huge help to relieve my stress. It’s difficult for me I have to admit.
On days like to today I would be freaking out dwelling on my chances of having a daughter with some sort of genetic issue, but as I sat in the office and listened to the genetic counselor read off all my chances for Morgan to have things I couldn’t even pronounce I was filled with this peace. I had this attitude of “bring it on!” I was not scared one bit. If God were to give us a child with any type of genetic issues then we would deal with those circumstances. And as many of you know, if we were given a child with Down Syndrome (my chances are 1 in 1,400) we would feel just as blessed by God as we have been with our other two daughters. I’ve spent many hours in conversations with my friends stating how I feel like I am meant to adopt or work with children with Down Syndrome. I love this feeling of peace – the feeling that God has our back and everything happens for a reason and a purpose in life.
As I sit here now knowing that as of today Morgan is perfect and I am truly blessed I am not at all worried about the fact that we will deliver her early – not sure how early just yet, but one of the complications of my “age” is that I have a higher risk of a still born pregnancy, so I will not carry Morgan full term. I have no anxiety in this at all – it’s that peace I was talking about. I’ve given this pregnancy to God. I know he has a plan for my life and of Morgan’s; I will walk whatever path he lays before us.
I still laugh at the fact that in one day I could change from "perfectly fine pregnancy" to "high risk pregnancy" without having any physical changes what so ever. I think there is a slight over reaction there, but they are the doctors not me.