Thursday, December 8, 2011

I Very Well Could Have the Baby Blues.


This was my thought yesterday after my post. I got all down and blue, but realized that it wasn’t far off from how I feel everyday lately.


I went out to the garage thinking maybe my Christmas spirit had kicked in since I spent most of the morning watching that youtube video over and over again –it makes me happy. No such luck and opened a box then quickly shut it again – still not in the mood to put out the snowmen of the world or the ceramic Christmas tree with red bulbs that my Meme made years ago. For now those things will sit in their boxes right next to the dreaded treadmill. 

I did dig in another box that still has not been unpacked since my move. I found two things that make me happy – my bowls. Actually they are my Granny’s bowls. I love their shape and color. They are a little piece of the old me that I have just kept in the box. I think that is whole other blog – the feeling that I am not the me I was before pregnancy. I am not sure where the final home for my bowls will be, right now they are on my window seal (is that correct wording…window seal…must google…ahh it’s sill, but you understand) so I can enjoy them while I work. 

Ahhh work - the blessing that allows me to stay in my sweats all day and still get a paycheck – expect for today and tomorrow. I have meetings…urgh…I have to get dressed. I have to put on makeup to cover the black rings that have formed under my eyes during the past two months. I have to do my hair – which is always in a ponytail these days – yeap I have become a stay at home mom and I LOVE IT!!! I am lucky. I am blessed that I have not yet had to find childcare for my daughter – even though I will need to after the first of the year. I blessed that I get to spend the day with her sitting next to me smiling most of the time. 

Yesterday in the middle of my funky mood I decided to make twisted rosettes for Shelby so that she had them for headbands . I went back into the garage looking for felt – it took me thirty minutes to find it and made my mood even worse. I got everything together and started my project…midway through my glue gun ran out of glue – don’t you hate that. I got up and went to Bkeah’s closet where all my bow making things are (someday I will have all my crafts together maybe in a room). I searched and searched, but could not find my glue. I had a meltdown – I cried  - I cried a big gasping for breath cry. Of course in the middle of it JAG calls. I let go on the poor guy and his response after all my rants was “You is important. You is kind. You is beautiful.”  He didn’t read the book, but he so saw the movie. In my state of self-loathing I responded with “um yeah whatever.” 

One good thing did come out of my hissy fit – I found my Granny’s ornament in the top of Bekah’s closet.  I am the one who gets the pack rat hand-me-downs that my father doesn’t want and I hoard keep them just as he had done. I knew someday that old slipcover box would be opened and those plastic ornaments would be used. 



Bekah has the perfect tree for them – a silver…umm what’s the word…umm…is it tinsel? Anyway her silver tree that Shelby gave her this year. I quickly used the hooks provided in the box and decorated her tree until it was perfect. That made me happy. 

So I am awake this morning and I will probably have to put on makeup because it doesn’t seem like the meeting will be cancelled today. I will do my best to be happy maybe cheerful, I might even laugh or maybe just dance…hmmm dance. Dancing makes me happy.

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