Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Communicating with Shelby

I wouldn’t say it is the most frustrating party of motherhood, but over the last few months I have really tried to make Shelby understand that not everyone communicates like her mother and step-father.

You see in our house we have a tendency to over communicate when it comes to Shelby. Shelby is a girl how needs all the details.  She isn’t going to get what you are telling her unless you give the who’s the what’s and the where’s. This takes time and patience, but I would rather over communicate then give her very little to draw her on conclusions with.

This is because Shelby gets her feelings hurts very easily and this usually happens when she miss understands someone intentions. For instance this week she has been very upset at her father and step-mother (this is normal for Shelby these days).

I quote Shelby:

I was really excited to have dinner with Daddy on his 40th Birthday and he even said I was going to have him all alone on his birthday, but then she said no. She said she was taking him out.

I am not sure if that is were the conversation ended, but for the past two days I have been explaining to Shelby how that was not intentional and no one was doing anything to deliberately hurt her feelings, but her feelings were hurt.

My belief is that Shelby is more comfortable with me then with her father which I can understand since I spend the majority of the time with her. I have made it a point since Shelby was little to talk to her as a person, not as a kid. Now saying that I don’t give her more then is appropriate for her age, but I also don’t end many conversations because “I am the mother and what I say goes.” I take the time to explain to her why JAG and I make the decisions we do.

My hope is that this type of open conversation continues and that she feels safe to tell me all of her feelings. There are days that I have to pull it out of her and I admit it frustrates me to no end to see her sulking and not telling me why, but when it eventually comes out we can solve the problem easily.

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