My dear friend,
We may be the closest of friends, we may be related or this may the first time that we have every met - can I still call you my friend? I am speaking to you, the one who is hurting, the post abortive women facing another Sanctity of life Sunday, another March for Life weekend and the yearly remembrance of Roe v. Wade.
My dear friend, I hold you in my prayers during this time.
I pray that you understand that there will be words spoken this weekend (maybe not in your church, but during the many of the marches) that will hurt. That old rhyme we used on the playground about sticks and stones breaking our bones, but words not hurting was one big ‘ole lie. Words hurt and I know, well, that we take things personally that are not directed towards us. I will be outwardly honest (shocker) and say I am married to a man who is Pro-Life. We were married for 4 years before I shared my secrets of abortions. I heard many times how disgusted he felt about abortion. For years I translated that statement into “you disgust me.” I will speak for my husband here and say, he is still very passionate about abortion, but he had to love someone who was post-abortive to understand the other side of abortion. I am not saying he agrees or condones what I have done - I don’t agree or condone what I’ve done, but I hope that I have soften his heart some.
I believe the love that God wants us to have is kinder than most of the words we will hear through media this weekend. This weekend is a wonderful time to show grace - grace from both sides. Just as you wish for grace from the people around you, please think about giving those who speak (normally unknowing of your struggles) grace as well.
Personally, I don’t think you will face this in your church, but you could. I had the lovely privilege of visiting a church in North Texas that had a congregation led prayer where young women and men with black x’s across their mouths spewed statements that were everything except love and grace. This is the frightening image of “pro-lifers” that leaves me hesitant to attend any life marches.
Far beyond grace from your spouse, your friends and your family you need to understand God’s grace because you can only get through this with the understanding that you are loved more than you could ever hope for.
I have been blessed to receive grace from so many people, like I wrote last year (The Amazing thing About Grace), but today I would have only been a shell if I had not stopped fighting the gift of God’s grace. We always have it, He always gives it, but we fight it. We say, “oh you shouldn’t have, I don’t deserve this”, then we live life as an undeserving person or at least I always did.
Please do not think that I am pushing you to share your secrets this weekend (even though there is healing there - trust me) what I am saying is have conversation about those secrets with God. Don’t worry, he already knows every detail that brings you shame, but still sees you pure as snow. You can thank Jesus for that. That conversation is the first step to preparing your heart for tomorrow and the days to come - to make it through the marches and the news reports.
Know that here, in Texas, tomorrow and most days I pray for you, my friend, I pray for your heart. I pray for your pain to lessen and I pray for healing.
If you are feeling alone this weekend and need someone to speak with about what you’ve been through please know there is the National Helpline for Abortion Recovery and they can be reached 24-hours a day at 1-866-482-LIFE.
I feel like I should have more, more words for you as you face this time, but they fail to come to mind. If you need more please see these posts: